on winning some and losing some

success!

after countless mornings of torture at the hands of the megaphone gypsies that cruise my neighborhood daily,

have finally managed to capture them on camera

as photo evidence to

a)

relay to you, my friends and family back home and abroad, common occurences in thessaloniki life

and b)

prove that am not insane.



there it is

speeding off into the sunrise

after waking everyone in its path of acoustic destruction.

and again:



note the parking job of the white van.

yeah.

and now, a close up:



megaphone is literally strapped to the hood of gypsy vehicle.

and what is all that crap in the back??


hate these people.

so very, very much.

honestly fight urge every monring that it is heard to leap from apartment balcony,

land on roof of car,

slash tires,

and rip out larynx of driver.


in other news:

walked over to the dreaded high school/middle school side of my university.

was in search of the atm machine allegedly located on campus.

some little 13 year old bastards walked by.

me: [in greek] hi, can you tell me where the atm machine is?


response, however,

was somewhat unexpected.


13 year old bastard: [points to his crotch] i got what you need right here, baby!

then ran away with his friends, laughing.

....

was stunned.

stunned into silence.

would have liked to have said



HEY.

hey, FETUS.

WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME AND PRACTICE YOUR ABC'S.

OR CLEAN YOUR ROOM OR SOMETHING.



god, i hate kids.

if that wasn't birth control right there,

then honestly don't know what is.

on sushi and the city

went out for sushi last night.

with like 10 other girls. mad nice.

had been going through withdrawals since leaving boston.

literally, at logan airport before departure

first thing self did

after going through security

was to make a b-line for the nearest asian restaurant

which was in that case, Wok N' Roll.

(unfortunately).

ordered a roll

but it smelled like total shit.

so brought the gypsy fish back to the counter and returned it.

that was my last encounter with sushi.

until last night.



so glorious.



have discovered why europeans are so thin;

only gave us each two pieces.

what is that like, 5 calories total?

can probably eat like

27 at once.

was so pissed when finally was over.

no matter.

tonight is the last night of carnivalle.

had an amazing time tskinopempti (literally "barbecue thursday"... same thing as western "fat tuesday"/mardi gras).

everyone was dressed up crazy

and the parties were so much fun

thought would just die

and it would be alright

because sometimes when a night just feels so perfect

there's no need for anything else.











to my a-list

(you know who you are)

although things are amazing here

miss you everyday.

and am comming home to you soon.


and to my sarah and danielle-

have got a pair and a spare...

and a few waiting for you too.

come visit.

on receiving mercy

wild joy!

math quiz has been postponed.

felt eyes water tears of relief when professor relayed this to self.

to show gratitude,

will not sleep in his class.

on participating in school activities

day has thus far been assailed by series of misfortunes.

this morning ears were once again raped by host of gypsies cruising neighborhood shouting through megaphone.

was told by hateful post office ladies at school that am only allowed to purchase stamps between 15:00 and 15:30 for no reason, whatsoever.

also, have two quizes.

(the math which know for certain will bomb.)

can barely count to ten, never mind this "calculus" business.

but it's alright;

tonight is carnival

the mardi gras/halloween of greece.

one of the reasons studied abroad in thessaloniki for spring semester.

crazy parties tonight.


and all is right in the world.


havn't given any life updates in a while so

LIFE UPDATES:

1.

have joined soccer team with annie.

suck pretty bad, but is fun being on a team. :)

also,

get finally to cleanse tar-filled hookah lungs after a year of damage.

(a year though would never take back. who cares about health when have amazing friends to smoke with?)

and 2.

have joined jiu jitsu club with annie.

????

i know.

i know.

so weird.

and the strangest part was

we were the first two that signed up for it.

and perhaps the only two.

it meets next wednesday.

by end of semester, fully expect us to look like this:



shall see.

body as of now however is in physical turmoil;

muscles so sore from past two soccer practices can barely walk.

have been hobbling about like old hag.

so hideous.


yay carnival!

on light musical accompianment

had worst fucking hangover all day yesterday.



just wanted to share that before starting story.



this is our water heater

[stylishly located in bathroom.]



every morning

of every day that have been here

this horrible thing has woken self and roomate up

with its velocer raptor/rabid cat like shrieks

literally giving us a nice

"Hey, fuck you!"

daily,

without fail.

this sound is usually followed by the band of gypsies who scream out window of a free candy/rapist style van with megaphone,

calling for us to take out trash/recycling/first born/simmilar.

both these noises were accompanied by a third yesterday:


a spontaneous accordian concert.

....

the missing piece needed to complete the unholy trilogy of obnoxious sounds first thing in the morning.

literally thought had died and gone to hell.

sat up in bed

discussed hateful accordian music with roomate

returned to sleep once had ceased

only to be awoken again when the soloist decided TO GO FOR A REPRISE.

how is this allowed?

in boston, if had ever decided to lean out window at 8am to give a rendition of aria from madame butterfly

would probably have face shot off

which would be deserved.

just don't understand it.

anyways

the reason for hungoverness:

an amazing night of clubbing VIP in thessaloniki for roomate's 21st and valentines.

this city really is incredible. :)











hangover was worth it.

had a really great time. :)

on excitement for summer

sun is shining today.

am wicked excited for going to the beach soon.

xalkidiki, amazing beach town, is only 45 minutes away from thessaloniki.

am expecting to see this:



or this:



if not

will be mad disapointed.

on cultural assimilation

siesta is practiced here in greece

meaning

between the hours of 2pm and 5pm stores close for nap time

and depending on what day it is

do not open at all until tomorrow.

here's a picture took of some guy sleeping.

[yes, have accepted am total creeper.]



and now, a close up:



wish could be like this simple shopkeeper

wild and free.


have gotten used to chillin in the afternoon here,

where in boston,

that was when was most active.

cultural assimilation like this should be encouraged

so calculus class

which have at 3.30

should be rescheduled.

then again

suppose it dosn't matter.

will just be asleep anyway.


all the same.

on taking awkward photographs with very large monuments

these two have thus far been personal favorites.




self skankin on alexander the great.



annie skankin on eleftherious venizelou. total catch.

HIGH FIVE.

on creative expression

actual first day of classes.

all of which were pretty easy to find considering there are about 4 classrooms.

had calculus today.

forgot how hopeless was at math.

seriously could not remember how to add/subtract/count/simmilar.

in middle of lecture got lost in thought

wrote 2 haikus:

haiku the first:

roasted lamb, chicken,
peppers, tomatoes, onions
in my souvlaki.

haiku the second:

visons of greece are
not the parthenon but the
clusterfuck of cars.

then suddenly was time to go to politics

(where the professor is INSANE, by the way)

and realized that had spent two hours doing nothing productive

when could have discovered joys of calculus.

felt great sense of loss.

***in other news

had better time with greeks today.

meaning

didn't feel like social leper.

was in library

and had to peepee so bad thought was going to just DIE.

so was wandering the second floor like lost retard

when ran into tall, gorgeous boy had seen in caf.

and of course acted a fool.

asked him where the bathroom was

but in dangerous combination of awe and depseration to pee, used the greek slang

so came out like

"yo where's the toilet?"

and said it really loud in middle of silent library.

immediately corrected self.

so embarassed.

and instead of being like wtf and peacing out

laughed,

not even meanly

and told me where it was. in greek too.

then actually smiled and waved.

and when self walked away and subtly looked back

was still looking.


then had happiest pee of life.

on having her first day of classes

supposed to have first day of classes today.

however, only class of day was cancelled.

(typical).

and have discovered that english class, the only upper level one, has been cancelled forever.

(also typical).

so now am sitting alone in caf like huge loser until friends get out at 2pm

drinking crappy cafeteria coffee.

LIFE UPDATES:

1.

15 individual people in life have said i look like amy winehouse.

has always pissed self off for some reason.

though now, after seeing several recent photos of self, can slightly see what others may see.





guess hair can sometimes be

a bit amyesque.

and nose.

not on purpose though, or anything.

....

am so ashamed.


and 2.

will probably never make any greek friends, as had originally planned.

this assumption is based on event that just happened:

was sitting alone at table when huge group of greeks came and sat at table next to self.

didn't have enough chairs, so asked if wanted one from own table.

in greek.

all started laughing, and one pointed out in ENGLISH small grammatical mistake had made,

further grinding salt into the wound of my pride.

then took chair.

was so embarassed, think eyes teared a little bit.

tried so hard.

discovered today am loser and look like amy winehouse.

wish had never said anything.

wish had never come to this place.

came here to rediscover my culture, my blood.

but feel am just hated by everyone in this city.

ok, is not that bad.

will stop being a pussy.

am in europe.

things will improve.

on window shopping abroad

saw the three most random stores in succession.



sex shop.



followed by a religious paraphenalia store.



followed by prosthetic leg store.

which is great

because if am ever in need of crotchless tights,

and icon of christ and the virgin mary,

and a new leg

can purchase all on the same street.



so hot.

on being an adult

LIFE UPDATE:

behaved like wise grown up figure

like julie andrews.

or dame judy dench.

or simmilar.

did many impressive grown up things today.



grown up activities:

1. bought a simcard AND a cell plan for my phone here.

entirely in greek. :)

something never thought would be able to do.

however, then bought united colors of beneton purse, not on sale.

and then forgot new phone at united colors of beneton store.

which pretty much cancels out all good adult progress made.


2. noticed phone was missing, located obscurely located store where left it, and retrieved phone without having a bit of a spazz or cry.

3. went grocery shopping and cleaned dishes.


am so smug am practically pissing self off.

on driving

apparently the laws of traffic (and death) do not apply in greece.

have experienced this isanity every day

every moment

that have been here.

can understand that guy's frustration.

that's all am saying.

so, had really amazing day.

visited village of vergina

and took city tour of thessaloniki.

such incredible views.





to go with today's theme of "driving",

can you spot the insane parking job in the next photo?



then went to taverna and had a ten course meal and liter of wine.

LIFE UPDATE:



is bizarre object on apartment celing that has been there since self and roomate have moved in.

do not know what it is

why it is there

or how to remove it.

though honestly,

am wary of touching it because of creepy oil stains accompanying it on the apparent non-stop party that is my apartment celing.

that is all.

on orientation II

shall tell story of day through the majesty of photo.

you're welcome for that.

had orientation part deux.

made us do semi-queer scavenger hunt.

at first was like

"omg how totally lame. it's not like we're 5 or retarded or anythingg. ehh i hate my life teen angst."

but then slowly realized whilst scavenging real purpose of activity:

to explore city.

ad am quite greatful for the opportunity;

have discovered a lot today.









after that, went to coffee shop for a frappe.

(greek coffee).

here was toilet from said coffee shop:



seriously pondered the position a female would have to assume to be able to use this toilet succesfully.

though did not personally attempt use of toilet out of fear that would dribble peepee all over jeans and be known forever by new classmates as miss peepee pants

have analyzed toilet situation

and theorize that a female would have to squat really low

and have one arm grab hold of the door handle to keep from falling into filthy peepee hole

whilst other arm extend up extremely high to reach awkwardly positioned toilet paper.

after, as if experience was not traumatic enough,

she would push flusher

which would then release water, blasting forth in a profound display of greek water pressure

sprayig aything caught within a 4 ft radius

and creating such a roar as to alert all of europe of her most recent activity.


she would then leave the restroom stripped of her dignity.


so self just held it and returned to table/frappe.



later on went to rock club.

saw all fellow study abroad classmates there.

bartender gave self and friend free shots because were polite.

allegedly.

the gin flowed forth;

got buzz on.



(chilled)



(live music)



classmate bonding)

then left rather early since had to be up early tomorrow

for orientation III:

field trip to village of vergina

which greek orientation leader said must pay attention to especially since am greek and is site of alexander the great's tomb.

replied that alexander was favorite boy's name of all time.

and he probably could not have cared less.

walked home.

but annie climbed tree during journey

so self, along with others, safely helped her down.

was long day.

on orientation

had orientation.

saw school for the first time today.

however, first and foremost:

LIFE UPDATES

1.

school fucked up registration, so am literally signed up for zero classes.

confronted registrar regarding said issue.

dialogue went as follows:

me: hello, i'm sorry but i never received my class schedule....
registrar: H'OKAY LET ME TZUST TSECK REAL QUEEK FOR VON MOMENT....

(rustling papers)

registrar: OH.... OH UM....

(rustling papers, followed by thoughtful pause)

registrar: EEZ OK, NO BEEG DEAL, YOU TZUST GO TO ANY CLASSES YOU VANT ON MONDAY AND TELL THE TEATSER TO POOT YOUR NAME DOWN.

and 2.

still have not figured out pin number on nokia and have therefore been without mobile phone for five whole days.

though the anxiety is slowly receding and am growing accustomed to living without cell like the amish or people during the seventies,

symptoms of withdrawal still remain.;

keep thinking ringtone from my american phone is going off, causing heart to leap with wild joy at prospect of communicating with anyone from former life, only to be brutally dashed upon remembering that

a)

do not own working, functioning phone.

and b)

do not really know many people yet so would not be receiving any calls or texts anyways.

ok then.

had orientation.

saw school for the first time today.

actually exceeded expectations- was gorgeous and not that ghetto.

and being outside of the city where apartment is, has nice views.

took mad photos for your viewing pleasure.

am so nice and giving in manner of saint.






amazing.

later went out for dessert with the girls.



also amazing.

ate them like crazed american bison.



think was huge soccer match tonight.

man in pastry shop kept anxiously looking back at tv, while speaking to us in overly enthusiastic and encouraging screams.

pastry man's favorite english phrases:

YES YES
OK
PICK WHAT YOU LIKE

and then, a combination of the three:

YES OK YOU PICK, PICK WHAT YOU LIKE OK.

something good must have happened

because can still hear soccer chants from the balcony of my apartment.

believe self is warming to this city.

and orientation day II tomorrow, bright and early.

so fucking gay.

on capturing memories via photo

today shot a picture of an asian gypsy.

out in the wilds of thessaloniki, greece.

all self had was just camera, determination, and nerve

and it was raw.



was sitting in bar with friends

(bar was titled, by the way "red rock cafe"... in fob-y attempt to emulate american hard rock cafe.)

so anyways

was sitting in bar

when some crazy gypsy busted in,

smelled the american off us,

and made a b line for our table.

would not leave even after adamantly refused to purchase his crappy pirated dvds.

suddenly, thought came to self;

must document this.

and was overtaken by inner japanese tourist girl within and just grabbed camera.

after the first flash he peaced for the door.

HANDLED.

sayonara, bitch.

also, after many obstacles

found hookah lounge.

obviously shitty in comparison to beloved nile standards

but have suffered long enough under absence of the life giving smoke of a good shisha.






sangria was wicked amazing.

would have had 4500 glasses more, but called it an early night.

orientation starts tomorrow.

hope it's not the gayest experience ever.